i have realised for every thought in my brain there are five other thoughts to explain it. five other explanations for every single thing.
it's very confusing.
so i got sectioned today and honestly i could have avoided it. i could have just told them i'd work with them in the community, give them the medication i have been stashing and they could have gone on their merry way.
but i couldn't and they quite rightly said that if i can't engage there was no point me seeing them. it wasn't that i couldn't engage, in my head i was engaging.
i can't and won't let myself be fooled again.
one small person desperately begging to be acknowledged, one larger person telling them 'no, not this time'.
now i worry that dignitas won't see me because i got sectioned. but i figured that is okay, because it's only a section two and i can be very selective with what medical information i send them.
i should be at home now, dying. i think i would have done it sooner if only the codeine wasn't mixed with paracetamollllll.
anyway, last night this voice spoke to me, she sounded so young and timid and she asked me
"where is sophie?"
"i miss her"
and i couldn't answer that because the person she was referring to wasn't me.
the staff have kept me on eyesight. i didn't say i wanted to be, nor did i communicate anything that would suggest they should. i was just honest.
they keep staring at me, what are they staring at? where is sophie?
i miss her
thye keep telling me to go to bed but there is something i am looking for first.
the worms stopped moving & the coral reef in the garden went.
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