5th feb 2017

it's dark inside my head when i think of you;

not in a good way. 

never in a good way.

your hands are on me, 

they are acid and i am alkali.

'stop it, you're hurting me!' i beg,

but you're a young, white male™

an your cologne smells like privilege. 

you don't pander to beggars, 

you never have.

and so, no, you do not stop.

my skin is burning under your touch

and i am supposed to enjoy it?!

i am supposed to enjoy it.

i close my eyes and press on my eyelids 

until my optic nerve responds with kaleidoscopic distractions.

i don't know how else to get you out of my mind.

the sirens sound

i panic.

i am running.

faster! faster!

ESCAPE.

beads of salty terror run down my forehead 

into my eyes.

burning like your touch.

i stop,

look around to see where everyone has hidden.

but they are not hiding 

and there were no sirens.

my heart is tachy,

just like your charm,

just like your pimpled fucking face.

i thank my body for protecting me,

today there is no danger.

you are not here.

just in nightmares.

just in moments i give myself to anyone who will have me.

you took my autonomy, 

i'm easy, a slut,

absolutely gagging for it.

gagging for peace of mind.