Hello, hi chaps.
My brain is being really nasty tonight and no amount of crafting the words 'cunt', 'wanker' or 'I hate you' is pacifying it. Honestly, I made a bracelet, moisturised my hands, watched TV, made a cup of tea, wrote letters to people I'm angry at AND MORE. Even the crisis team would have a hard time arguing with that dedication, nonetheless my brain or whatever has infested it is still beating me up.
So I thought I would write this post, seen as the dreaded Christmastime is drawing closer day by day.
For the purpose of this post, my definition of a 'Scrooge' is someone who goes silent when Christmas is mentioned. Typically, they're the people found ordering presents online to 'get it over with'. They don't want to walk round the shops, carols chiming in their ears as everything glitters and sparkles.
The people I am referring to are the people who find Christmas an immensely painful and draining time of year emotionally. They want to curl up and hide until the season has passed.
I'll hold my hands up, this is me. 👐
Christmas and New Year can be truly exhausting for people with mental health problems for a number of reasons. This could be, but is not limited to:
-the time of year may have traumatic experiences tied to it
-the pressure of having a 'HAPPY CHRISTMAS' and again a 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' can feel too much
-the person may not have anywhere to go for the festivities and as a result be a very lonely time of year
-families can be cunts
-there may be pressure to spend time with abusers, people who aren't supportive, people whose presence is harmful to the individual etc.
-financial stressors (let's be honest, everyone feels this burden this time of year but for some it can feel deeply shameful, embarrassing or depressing)
-cultural/religious differences, REMEMBER NOT EVERYONE CELEBRATES!
So here's some handy hints on how to help your much loved Scrooge this Christmas.
1. Let your Scrooge lead conversations about the festivities, by this I mean please don't bring it up unless Scrooge does. Christmas is everywhere, sparkly reminders of sadness are everywhere. Pushy emails telling us to HURRY UP AND BUY OUR LOVED ONES PRESENTS fill our inbox. It's in every shop. Allow your Scrooge the space to get away from it for a while, offer your Scrooge that safe space to talk. If Scroogie wants to talk about Christmas, EXCELLENT, but let them lead it.
2. Don't tell your Scrooge to 'get in the spirit' or any other meaningless drivel. It will hurt Scrooge's feelings and be incredibly invalidating. You don't know people's reasons unless they tell you, how do you know you're not telling a sexual violence survivor to essentially cheer the fuck up or a widow to 'just not think about it'?
3. Please (honestly, PLEASE) don't talk about all the exciting things you're going to be doing unless a)Scrooge has asked or b)you're inviting Scrooge to be part of the fun. Christmas is so lonely for some of us, we don't want to hear about how loving and special your family are, we want to feel included in the 'magic'.
4. Help your Scrooge plan in advance how to get through the season safely. This can include helping Scrooge work out safe plans for Christmas day and New Year's. This may mean for some of us simply not celebrating, celebrating on a different day, having engaging activities in place, helping create budgets or to do lists, having crisis plans at hand and friends ready to help. Scrooge will love you more for your support than for any present you can buy.
5. Asking Scrooge directly about whether they want to be included on Christmas card lists or whether they want to receive presents etc. Please understand that we appreciate your kindness, but sometimes total avoidance is easier. It can also be difficult to have surprises sprung upon us, so only do that sort of thing if you're sure that's okay with your dearly loved Scrooge.
6. Enjoy yourself and be merry. More than anything we want to see you enjoy yourselves.
7. Finally, please remember we weren't born conditioned to hate Christmas. I'm sure many of us can think back to happier times, many of us are determined to make it a positive experience once again. Just accept where we are with that right now and buy us kittens (kittens are optional).
So that about wraps that up, excuse the pun. I'll add to this list if anything else comes to mind.
To all my fellow Scrooges, take care and look out for my post because I intend to make a more in depth coping techniques post at some point.
Take care friends xx
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